WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE??

hey, since I last came back from the dead, I've been periodically checking the blog stats and screwing my eyes up trying to make sense of them. It appears that in fact, this weird blog just surpassed 50k total page views, almost all of them in the last two years or so (when I wasn't even writing in it)

who ARE you people? (*hides bong*) I mean, I just wasn't expecting company. Give me a minute to put on pants

Alright guys, come on in (*kicks vibrator under the couch*). Want some ... juice from the Luxardo cherry jar? Emergen-C & water? (*runs frantically to laundry room and back*) need some zip ties that have been through the wash?

Cool cool, sit down. Make yourselves comfortable. 

Awkward pause.

Are you ... ironic blog readers? You know, like 20 year old models who wear Motörhead shirts or people who watch The Room a lot? What? Nevermind. I'm just glad you're here.

Lemme just peek in your backpack before you leave because I've been having a problem with folks walking out with my glass cat paperweights lately .. no, no worries, nothing personal. I don't mean you have to leave now. Or I mean you could just check it at the door. Cool.

Where do you all come from? 

No, this isn't group therapy. I mean, it could be. Yawwwwnnnn so tired. From work.

Ha ha, no, not a narcoleptics anonymous meeting either. Good one.

Wanna watch something? I rented this documentary about people who collect Tiffany memorabilia

oh, sorry you have to go but you know, listen. Next time you don't have to stop by, you can just read what I post and haha, yeah, we don't need to talk about it or anything. I know you're busy. You can, you know. Just put it aside or whatever, bookmark it and read it when you're super bored and really have nothing to do .. yeah, I'll just leave it here. Alright.

I'll just walk you out cause .. yeah, don't let the cats out. You got it. Thanks

I'm gonna lock this door behind you so you don't pull a Kramer on me haha

(*click*)